Happy Valentines – Especially in REAL Life NOT Cyberspace

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

I tell people that relationships are either BLESSED or STRESSED.  That means that if your are fortunate enough to have found someone that you can feel close to and dev2elop a relationship – consider yourself lucky, if indeed you both are living in bliss, everything works and feels happy – then you are Blessed.  If not, well then you are advised to deal with the stress and try to resolve it.  Truly, every relationship goes through moments of stress and difficulty which should be an opportunity to work on things and make life better.  Self improvement is an excellent tool to make love grow.  That is not the easy path to take. but if your relationhip is stressed, it is time to learn, grow, evolve and try to take things to the next level higher.

That is an optimistic perspective.  I suggest that couples try to work on the STRESSED type of relationships for some time, depending on the situation and how long the couple has been together, but at least a few months of effort is good.  Then, if with professional advice and outside help things do NOT improve, it may be a sign to move on.  This is always a difficult decision because of the investment people have already made but, sometimes it is a necessary option.

SO, I hope that you are in a Blessed Relationship and are able to enjoy many special occasions – like Valentines Day – adding them to your golden book of memories.  I think it is important to honor the special moments you share with someone and save them in a special place.  This builds one of the most precious elements of life – HISTORY.  If you got a good thing going celebrate it often and save those memories in a sacred place.

For those of you still searching for LOVE and a Relationship, I suggest going out into the world to do so and stay away from the computer.  Online dating is certainly a great way to “Hook Up” and meet people but you are missing the most important ingridient – chemistry.  When you imagine who you are looking for and then go out to meet new people, you are bound to run into a few interesting personalities.  Tune your intuitive radar to that good vibe and listen.  Real Life will bring you a Blessed Relationship much faster than digital profile ever could.

So wishing everyone to find and enjoy Love, today and everyday.

JR

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STAYCATION or VACATION – We all need a rest…

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

What is “down-time” these days?  It is supposed to be time when we have no pressure to do anything and can either just veg out or do something totally care free.  How often do you actually schedule yourself – Down-Time?

Down-time is essential for your life and will actually help you perform better when you are in “Up-Time” or just the normal rush of everyday life.  With the digital age comes more pressure to deal with info from more sources than ever before, your brain can only handle so much – then everyone begins to have a bit of a melt down – at least a bit of brain fog.

To prevent the stress and cope with the constant rush, urgency and general pressure – you must take time to rest, relax, chill out and recoup.  That has to be enough time for you to first decompress from the stress, then rest, clear your head, recharge your body and get ready to return to the hectic pace of life.   That should be easy but, it isnt.  Especially in our troubled economy we all face a challenge to find the resources and time to relax and unwind.  More people cant afford to get away and end up staying in their normal world trying to recharge at home on a “Staycation.”  Well, good luck!

That is not a good idea but, indeed lots of people have to make good with that.  The idea of a vacation is to get away from all your routines so you can really get refreshed  by dealing with completely new and hopefully a pleasant environment far from your home.  Now trying to refresh yourself on a staycation at home is a real challenge.  Ok, if you are trying to do it, schedule some special activities that are outside your normal routine.

Do not just stay home.  Change your patterns as much as possible.  Become a tourist in your home town.  Plan to invite some old friends you havent seen in a while to visit.  Do something useful like cleaning out the closet or garage.  Try doing something artistic like painting or turn on your creative spirit by playing an instrument or writing some poetry or a short story.  You could even go through your photo albums and make a collage of your favorite pictures.  Go visit a museum, planetarium, or park.  Try to catch a show at a theater or concert.  Perhaps you have some friends out of town that you can visit at least to get a change of scenery.   Whatever you do to escape your normal routine will help clear your head and recharge your body.  This is true of all Down-Time you manage to get for yourself.

Try to make an open, easy, flexible plan of your down-time.  The less pressure the better, the more loose and free you are about what you do, the more it will serve you.   The key is to enjoy your ability to “go-with-the-flow” and experience something different from your normal program.  This provides you with more than just rest; because what we really need isfreedom, (freedom – from -, of -, to – ) be the way we would naturally be.  That has become a rare event for us and it is unfortunate.

One important step towards feeling that internal freedom is to relax and go inside your mind to visit your deepest desires and dreams.  As you connect to your deeper inner thoughts and feelings, they will offer you the opportunity to experience and perhaps even express that most authentic part of your being.  That is a necessary and vital part of keeping your life in balance and being able to cope with the normal stress of your regular routines.

So, make the most of your Down-Time!  Get some as often as you can and let yourself relax and refresh your body and mind.  Return to your regular life recharged with a new sense of balance and healthy energy!

JR

 

 

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Spring into Greater Achievement

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Springtime always brings to mind blossoming, a time of renewal and growth.  This is an important metaphor to remind us that we too need to reflect and find ways to grow our best ideas.

Three critical factors will decide how far you will go.  Vision, Energy, and Persistence.  First, you must have a plan, a very clear vision of what exactly you want to accomplish.  I refer to this part as the “soft side” because it is just in your mind and yes it is very important, but without action it will go nowhere.  Every plan requires a very well organized strategic approach.  The second step is to put in the Energy – the “hard side” because the actual actions you take to achieve your goals is extremely vital to making any progress.  Finally, you must consider the obstacles, challenges and delays you may encounter – there you must remain Persistent in order to overcome the difficulties and ultimately reach your goals.

This is a complex process, it requires good ideas, a great plan, lots of well directed actions and the persistence to achieve success.  I offer workshops and private consultations regarding personal achievement and have helped many people dev2elop effective plans.  It is not easy to organize and realize your goals, but why do people assume that it should be an easy task.  Success has many rewards, that is precisely why it is usually challenging.

Take advantage of the changes of the seasons and spring into action.  Take a piece of paper right now and jot down your top ten goals for this year.  Consider what resources you have and how you can accomplish your plans.  Follow the steps outlined and perhaps you too will enjoy greater success!

Cheers!  JR

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The True Purpose of Pessimism: Optimism

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

Another year, another day, will this be a good one or a stressful one?  So are you an optimist – and intend to celebrate or are you a pessimist – and plan on getting stressed out?

Well, that depends doesn’t it?  If you are in a good place – personally, economically, physically, then there is nothing to do except enjoy!  However, what if you are struggling, you or someone close to you has health issues, you have economic pressures, or it may be enough that you are not in the ideal relationship.  Then what?  Typically, you are feeling stressed out and may not be so eager to go celebrate.  If there is anything raining on your parade what should you do?  Give up and sulk?  Not at all, instead you better turn up the optimism, make plans to celebrate and go have fun during the holidays.

We live in uncertain times.  This has always been true.  The question is should that uncertainty rob us of our well being and joy of life?  The answer is always a loud resounding – No!  Life can get difficult and put pressure on us that nobody would wish for but, we still have got to deal some crazy stuff – don’t we?

That crazy stuff is the true nature of life, and it is the reason we all get that bluesy sense of negativity and feel pessimistic.  “Oh, it just wont work.”  “There is no way I am gonna make it.”  Etc, etc…

There is an important part of your brain that specializes in reversing this negative pessimism into its opposite – optimism.  This part of your brain knows how to minimize the depressing reality and blindly focus on the tiny light at the end of a hopelessly long dark tunnel.  I know about this part of the brain biologically, but I also understand it experientially because I have been there countless times in my own life.

Pessimism is, or ought to be the alarm system in your head that tells you to do a quick reality check.  Then you are supposed to open the optimism valves on full to reverse the negativity and head in a positive direction no matter what else is going on around you. Optimism is not an attitude that ‘the glass is half full’ rather it is an approach to life asking ‘how do I keep my glass full?’

This approach to life is not foreign to anyone.  To the contrary it is the most common approach we see among those successful people who have achieved their goals because the opposite nearly guarantees failure – and nobody really wants that.  So, what do you have to do to engage this optimistic attitude and make progress towards your goals?  The truth is that a positive attitude alone will get you nowhere.  You must have a system by which you can reach your dreams.

Optimism must be supported by first, a good plan of how you want to achieve your goals.  Then you must be willing and ready to take the necessary risks, invest the time and energy to realize your goals.  Optimism, means that you keep trying, that you don’t give up just because you have experienced some temporary failure or setback.  Perhaps, at this moment, you have begun to think about all the possibilities you have to excel, to achieve even more success, to have more, celebrate more and enjoy life more that before.  We all have the potential of achieving our dreams but, only if you pursue them and make the effort that is required to reach those goals.  There are no guarantees.  Sometimes you will have to deal with tremendous challenges to get to your desired destination.  That’s why a positive attitude is so important.

So, can I inspire you to escape the pessimism of reality and create a path toward a better and happier future?  Honestly, we sometimes even have to lie to ourselves about how bleak a situation seems, ignore all the signs that it is hopeless and do everything in our power – act, meditate, pray, visualize, refocus and to get to where we want to be…

The reward for making this switch from negativity to positivity is almost always feeling better inside.  Our burdens are lifted and that light at the end of the tunnel begins to get brighter.  May this amazing thing the mind, body, and spirit do happen to you!  Let your potential soar up high and enjoy the holidays as much as possible!  Make plans to celebrate however, wherever, and whenever you can, to the degree you can.  That certainly will make today and this year a lot more fun and valuable to you and others!  So, go out and enjoy, keep your glass full!

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What does the New Decade Mean in the New Millennium?

Friday, December 31st, 2010

TIME MARCHES ON… We are all painfully aware of how quickly time keeps moving, what opportunities have been missed, who we forgot to thank or connect with, and even more so, how much time we have left to do what we want.

I find it very interesting how we group time into particular segments: seconds, hours, weeks, years, decades, generations, centuries, and millennia. I like seconds and minutes. They make the most sense to me.They were invented based on the human heart beat (which averages 60 beats per minute). Which ultimately established the day with 24 hours (one neat revolution of the earth). Now a year is my other favorite, 365 days (just 1 orbit around the sun) which is real good chunk of time, isn’t it? A year offers us 525,600 minutes or 31,536,000 seconds to spend any way we choose to. That’s plenty of moments to enjoy and create many worthwhile memories to store for the future or just lose to that inevitable passage of time.

Personally, I do not like days, weeks or months. They are the wrong length for our own good. Wouldn’t it be nice for days to be 28 hours long and weeks to have 2 weekends? That would give us more time to work and play. Hours are a good chunk of time but months should follow the moon and 13 months would fit much better into a year. Ancient societies lived by the lunar cycle, wonder who was the moron that create these odd months? : ) Nevertheless, it’s a year and a decade that concerns me the most here.

The point of this story is that one year is an excellent chunk of time. I think of New Year’s Eve as the beginning of a world-wide race, who is going to get the most of their year! We all get exactly the same number of moments the only difference is what YOU DO WITH THEM. A decade is also an ideal segment of time because it usually takes about 10 years for a person to become an expert or master of some activity. Research has documented this story.

Well then, what we do with our 365 days is mostly up to us, if you find the motivation, inspiration, and energy, along with a vision, plan and the resources – you will be able to accomplish amazing things this next year.Even more importantly, may I suggest that you stop and reflect about what you have spent the past decade doing; most likely you have been dev2eloping your skills and abilities to do your “thing” more effectively and successfully. Each new decade of practice takes us to a higher level of mastery and a deeper sense of confidence in what we do. This is one of the most special and practical aspects of our solar system. Literally, the sun and our orbiting planets have given us these unique chunks of time for us to utilize in the best way possible. A decade ago we officially began the New Millennium. Now we are about to start the next decade, yet I am aware of so much trouble in our world. Why are we still so far away from a time of universal cooperation, peace, prosperity, and harmony among us people?

May I propose a new direction for this next decade. First, on the personal level, I would like to urge everyone to consider what they intend to master and dev2elop over the next decade (you must have a very clear plan – see Resources below). Secondly, on a social level, I wish that we call this the “UPP” Decade, dedicated to dev2eloping and mastering our sense of Unity, Peace and Prosperity. Perhaps, we are at that “tipping point” when enough people believe it is time to end the prejudice, hatred, violence, greed, and isolation, then maybe we will achieve a new level of harmony and progress on this beautiful planet.

If you like this idea, then please pass this message on. Start with your own effort to make the next year and decade into an example of going in positive directions! Don’t under estimate your power, because you can lead others towards greater success and happiness. The key is to help each other refocus on the positive side of life, on kindness, creativity, love, patience, generosity, cooperation, and optimism. Create a plan and make the most of your year!

For heaven’s sake, even our solar system has been conspiring to give us the right chunks of time to make more progress easier. The obvious thing is that if we all agree on making Unity, Peace and Prosperity our goals, the positive energy will expand helping us all to achieve more!

Wishing you a Fabulous New Year and New Decade! Cheers! JR

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Life is a GAMBLE… are you betting against yourself?

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010

Everyday you make countless bets, little predictions about what is supposed to happen. We live with plenty of expectations, things we want, wish for, desparately need, or even dread or must avoid… The question is, are your predictions being made correctly, or are they fatally flawed?

When I was studying science, we learned exactly how to construct predictions, how to evaluate probabilities, and calculate results. Curiously, I see how these special skills help me and others make better predictions and win more bets with life. The rules are not as complex as you would think. When you follow them, your predictions become smarter, better, and more accurate.

There is a small percentage of life that remains completely uncertain, nobody knows what will happen but, we can make a good bet about what is likely to happen. I would suggest you start considering how to make better predictions and never bet against yourself. Focus on the positive possibilities, consider the actual realities and make your best predictions about what to expect. Hope you win!

Cheers JR

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Happy New Year – RESOLUTION TIPS

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

A new year, and a new life. That is why making resolutions about what you intend to accomplish THIS YEAR is important. Whatever you decide to add to your agenda, big goals or small ones setting things up right is essential for you to succeed. Here are the secrets to make resolutions that you can achieve.

 

Start by creating a long wish list of what you would like to accomplish, be daring, think of all the things you really would love to succeed with this year. Write down all your ideas. Next, prioritize them, decide after analyzing your list which are most important to you. For the ambitious individuals out there you may have a list of ten things, others may have only one, two or three items. OK, now take a clean piece of paper and write down your list from most important down. Under each item make a note, what is going to be your personal reward when you accomplish this goal and how you intend to punish yourself if you fail to make progress. At the bottom of the page create a simple timeline noting when you expect to reach important goals you have set. This is now your resolution list, things you see as your potential that you intend to reach.

 

Announce to the world your intentions. Tell your family and friends what are your resolutions and when you want to achieve them. Alright, to get yourself going, psych yourself up, visualize your achievements, build up your motivation and determination. Put up your list where you can see it often and think about how to make progress. Sometimes it’s good to find objects that symbolize your goals to be another reminder of what you plan to do.

Resolutions are supposed to have an impact through all 365 days of the year. The idea is that you have made a commitment to yourself (and perhaps others) to invest your energy to transform your potential into manifested realities. These good intentions must be planned and monitored so they do not join the trash heap of lost fantasies.

 

Follow rule number 1, never give up! Keep your mind focused on your goals. Remind yourself how important your plan is to you. It may be difficult to break free of your old patterns sometimes, but it is always possible. If you invest the right effort, you will succeed.

So, here is the summary to make your resolutions stick!

• Write down your list and prioritize your goals, pin it up to look at it frequently.
• Clearly identify how you will reward your success or punish your lack of progress.
• Get support from friends and family, tell everyone about your plans and ask for encouragement along with your own motivation to succeed.

Wishing you great success in the New Year!

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The First Warm Wave of Winter -> Valentine’s Day

Friday, February 13th, 2009

The first sign of true warmth since the winter began is Valentine’s Day. The best thing about Valentine’s Day is that it is completely up to us to take advantage of it as we want to. You are free to celebrate anyway you wish. That is one reason I propose we make it a monthly holiday rather than a yearly one. This is our opportunity to reconnect with that inner warmth, romance, and love. Even if you are not in a relationship, at least you can recall good memories of loving times. The fortunate people that are in a nice relationship, well this is the time to celebrate that bond and make it extra special.

Let me wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day with lots of joy and merriment that will add many golden memories to your life.  Remember that every little effort you make towards your partner will have much greater meaning at this time than others.  It is not surprising that, especially the ladies, expect more attention, signs of affection, indications of dedication, elaborations of commitment, sweet words, nice presents, and whatever else.  Men just hope for a little whooppie.  (Just kidding) Men too hope to feel special and appreciated for the efforts them make to make their girl happy.

So to make this a great Valentine’s Day with your partner I seriously urge each individual to make some special plans and express as many positive feelings as you are comfortable with.  Lots of people use this occasion to announce an engagement, or profess their total love to their partner, all that is good, but often their are expectations of such gestures that never come which are followed by bitter disappointment.  The rule is do not mislead your partner.  Keep your mate informed of whatever progress you are making towards deeper levels of commitment.

The truth is that Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to be reminded that a big part of life is the positive, happy, healthy aspect of our relationship, namely LOVE.  This is a feeling, a sense, a concept, an idea that has been discussed since the beginning of time.  Usually, you know when you are in love because there is nothing else that explain how you feel.  So, when you get that nice, warm, sweet sense of love flooding your world – rejoice, celebrate with your partner and enjoy.  Cherish the good moments and  don’t let the positive feeling fade quickly.  Love doesn’t always last, but it sure does feel good when its on full blast.   So, if you got it, enjoy it, give it all you can, if you do, it is possible you might found that special someone that you have that love for a lifetime!  That is being truly blessed!

Wishing you a very lovely and memorable experience!

JR

 

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How to Refocus on the Positive?

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

Start with a reality check. If life is presenting extremely difficult challenges, give yourself some extra space and time to deal with the situation. Our resilience is better dealing with one thing at a time than many. Get rest and good food in you too. When we are hungry or tired, stress takes a greater toll.

Next you must refocus on the positive. Reflect on the conditions around you and search for any signs of hope, joy, future rewards, or at least what will this (bad) situation teach you so that you will be stronger in the future. When you are bothered by the uncertainty of life, remember that there is only one thing you can be certain of, what you are feeling and thinking inside. Even if your outside world is upside down, you can imagine and more importantly believe that your internal world is rightside up. The key is to THINK POSITIVELY, that means to search for the best outcomes and ways to reach your goals. When you believe in yourself, it all gets easier.

Refer to Chapter 23 in my book Positive Directions – The Gold Keys, this section gets into the details of dealing with adversity. All the best! JR

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IRRITABLE!?!?!?

Monday, September 8th, 2008

That is a normal trait of the human condition. The less sleep, food, rest, we have the more irritable we become. The more tension, stress, and uncertainty we have, the more irritable we become.

Avoiding excessive stress and taking good care of our health can help minimize our irritabilty. However, once we cross that threshold and feel irritated, we have to stop, decompress and regain balance inside. The skill of relaxing and Letting Go are essential to escaping these nasty feelings. If you practice these skills you enhance your ability to decrease that irritability and even turn it off. The point is not to get caught up in the aggrivation, that usually does not help the situation in the first place and when you relax you will be more resourceful to deal with the problem causing the stress. Try one of my programs to relax or learn the art with a professional.

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Dr. Ryder is the expert about Hypnosis for the Psychology Today BLOG:

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