Resources – John Ryder, PhD

Starting at the top, where the star points toward the sky. This I refer to as the SPIRITUAL direction which represents the gift of UNITY. This is where the mystical nature of love resides, it is where you will discover whether there is a real bond between the two of you or not. Unity means that something makes both people feel that they rather be together than apart, they both believe that when they are together they are like “one”. Unity is used to describe what happens when people bond and experience the world differently; they are no longer just two individuals but, have become a unit, a pair, a couple. Now they look at the world differently and the world sees them differently as well. This is a social archetype, a religious one, and a legal one when two people get married. We become aware of this notion of being a couple from childhood, hopefully growing up in a “family” ourselves. The concepts of love, family, marriage, romance, happiness exist throughout every aspect of our society, in every culture, across every nation and around the world. The images that these words create are similar regardless where one looks. So why is it so hard to find and build a successful partnership of love and happiness? There are many reasons that make it truly difficult but, no one can claim that it is impossible.

Anyone can find UNITY, love and happiness. It would help if you would have a map of how to get there. The STAR holds all the keys you need to find your way. The reason UNITY is at the top is that it is the “lifting” energy for a relationship. It may be true that what attracts two people together is often their physical appearance, some sort of instinctual drive gets engaged but, soon after getting “close” both individuals look at each other and begin to ask more serious questions: “Could I live the rest of my life with that person, do I really love them?” and that starts the mystical inquiry about becoming bonded to the other person. That is when UNITY becomes so important. The best thing two people can find is ‘love at first sight’ when both feel the excitement of attraction equally.

One arm of the STAR refers to NURTURANCE. The meaning of this term is found in how each person takes care of the other with respect to their physical needs, emotional ones as well as the material and spiritual needs. Love awakens this urge for you to either be “maternal” or “paternal” as the case may toward your partner. The key word here is nurturing, sharing responsibilities and helping each other achieve more in life. True love creates a desire in both individuals to support each other through all walks of life. This does not necessarily have to be along traditional lines rather, it often requires that both people seek unique and special ways to make their partner happy, healthy, safe and prosperous. More than anything else if we become aware of our mate’s potentials then it is up to us to help them strive for and reach those potentials. Nurturance refers to the direction we push and pull our love in. Everyone needs a push or a pull sometime, especially if it is from your partner.

The next arm refers to the aspect of SHARING in the joys and pains of life from the level of the mind, body and spirit. This reflects both individual’s ability and desire to look at the world through each others eyes, especially in terms of the past, present and future. The key word is shared vision. This is what makes each partner feel special and valuable to the other. It is one’s interest in their opinion, their experience of life that helps you feel whole and satisfied. This aspect is expressed through our curiosity about how our partner sees, hears or feels something. It is not necessary that we share similar views but that both partners have a genuine interest in the other’s experience. However, it is important that we share similar dreams and goals for the future. In this manner both partners participate in the construction of the world they live in and this allows for celebration of life and that makes the difficult moments pass by more easily.

Then one leg of the star refers to COMPATIBILITY this aspect reveals how many ways two people fit together, first of all in body – how great is their sexual chemistry, then socially, intellectually, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. When two people have really great energy together, they rarely get bored or tired of each other, there is a constant stream of excitement between them. Compatibility refers to this sense of how well two people mix together, especially in making love, that is where we hopefully experience the exhilaration of that instinctual passion for life. Chemistry is physically manifested in love making, this is where the connection can be most concrete. There are many important factors. In general, the appetite and passion are either in synch or not. The questions are “how much sex” does each of you want – need, on a monthly basis; and secondly, does the passion match both partners. If there are big differences in these two aspects, then don’t fool yourself thinking that you have great chemistry, it may not really be.

The other leg of the star refers to FULFILLMENT which represents the things we do for love’s sake that promote a sense achievement within the relationship. In our everyday life we try to master the situation, we want to dominate to overcome but in a relationship it is more often a matter to make the other person happy to please them. The key word here is SURRENDER to your partner with the expectation that it will express your sense of love for them. It is not a matter of compromise, which has its place in the other aspects of the lovestar, here surrender refers to the complete giving in to the other’s needs or desires for the sake of love. When one surrenders it is not always easy but it should be with joy, to fulfill the other partner’s deepest needs. This aspect also represents each partner’s confidence to rely on one another, to be comfortable depending on each other. With this aspect the relationship is assured the survival through all sorts of difficulties.

All together, this represents the lovestar, and when each of these directions is satisfied among two people then they obviously share a tremendous partnership. If both agree that they fit together, that each aspect is present and fulfilled then they have the necessary ingredients to make their love work and enjoy a lasting relationship. These are rare. Even if one believes that they share every thing with their partner, this means that they have the potential to succeed. A great relationship requires a lot of work and time, something people these days are not always eager to invest enough of. Once these basic qualities are fulfilled then begins a life of passion, joy, adventure, excitement, tranquility, love and family. Good luck!

Counseling can help both partners better appreciate what you can be grateful for and be aware of what is missing. That information is vital to decide what to do, if possible, improve the relationship or if not, work to dissolve it amicably. I have helped many couples resolve their conflicts and find greater happiness. I have also given my support to the couples who determined that they cannot go on and must change their relationship. These are the most sensitive issues and difficult things we must deal with. I have the experience to help you better understand and deal with your relationship. Call my office to discuss your situation to see if you would like to have me help you work on it.

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I am grateful for discovering the best means to reach my dreams and goals.
I realize that I am ready to enjoy life to the fullest and find peace of mind.
When I focus my attention on positive possibilities I achieve the best solutions.

I am glad to be finding ways to improve my physical and emotional well being.
I am grateful that I was born with many gifts and talents for me to share.
Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities.

Every day I celebrate my growing confidence and determination to succeed!
When I do worthy things I earn the respect of others and feel good.
By utilizing my rational mind together with my intuition I make greater progress.

As I express my gratitude, I can envision the goals I am achieving.
Moving forward and upward everyday symbolizes the joy of my destiny.
I take advantage of every opportunity to realize my true potentials.

I am grateful to be inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.
It is great to feel the energy with a clear vision to see the path to my goals.
My motivation and determination constantly push me to reach my goals.

I am glad my mind has the ability to focus and concentrate on my purpose.
It is amazing how powerful my mind is when I work deliberately on my future.
I am confident that my life is automatically attracted to what is good for me.

Everything I decide to do has an important reason and purpose.
I value my time very highly and use every minute effectively.
Love is the source of my strength and happiness.

Whenever I smile my face lights up with positive energy!
My questions always direct me to achieve the most in the long run.
Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities.

Everyday I take the time to exercise, rest, eat right and cleanse myself.
I am glad to attract the most interesting, powerful and caring people into my life!
I accept my challenges as great lessons to motivate me to reach my goals.

I appreciate the outstanding qualities I was born with.
I recognize that I am a unique and very special person!
Today I observe my progress in fulfilling my plans and dreams!

I am grateful to have been inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.

by John Ryder, Ph.D.

I believe everyone is born with unique talents, gifts, a large variety of personal resources and a smaller number of limitations. Every person has dreams and expectations some of which come true, others never do. How fast and how far you progress in realizing all your potentials depends directly on what you do and how you do it.

I have found that it is just as important to have what it takes to succeed as it is to have what it takes to cope with those temporary setbacks we all must endure. Most people are better at one of these than the other. Those who learn to master both these skills (achievement and adaptation) discover that life becomes easier to conquer and cope with.

Throughout life, this becomes your quest for fulfillment and the art of living.

We already know the proven steps others have used to succeed at the game of life. Whether you must overcome illnesses, bad habits, various personal obstacles or if you want to achieve greater happiness, wealth, creativity, wisdom and harmony in life, there are many things you can do to succeed. Increasing your awareness and understanding of yourself and life prepares you for the most amazing journey. Those individuals who recognize life as an opportunity to learn and experience the fantastic wonders of the world engage in this quest with passion. They discover the power of their mind to escape the primitive instinctual nature that dominates most people with fear or anger and allows them to transform these lower impulses into creative expression of their higher, spiritual nature. Anyone can experience fulfillment and happiness, it is not reserved for just some people, its for everyone.

In the larger perspective, I see psychology as both the science and art of working with the mind, body, and spirit of the individual. I do my best to help each individual dev2elop the skills and obtain the knowledge to adapt or achieve. Once you know the science of success, the specific steps you must take to reach your goals, then you must also dev2elop the art of life, relying on your inner wisdom or intuition to help you adapt to life most effectively. These two skills together assure you the greatest fulfillment.

Few problems ever go away by themselves although many people are willing to wait a long time thinking they might. I like to suggest that seeking professional help on a problem is intelligent, will get rid of it sooner, and let you get on with life. I enjoy working with people from every walk of life, from the very affluent and powerful to young students struggling. I have clients from nearly every corner of our world and found that the same problems cause stress to us all. Consequently, I have dev2eloped my own eclectic approach to teach you how to remove obstacles and promote positive growth.

Some people may want to explore their lives and various issues or relationships in greater depth. This can be a very rewarding process. Certain people who wish to journey farther in the psychic sphere may choose to explore past lives or learn how to meditate and reach higher states of consciousness. I know of no limits on the insight and rewards that an individual can attain in the pursuit of knowledge.

I am ready to help you overcome any obstacles and maximize your potentials. I believe we are all here to learn about life and ourselves. I teach people how to decrease stress and increase happiness. As a licensed psychologist I have the scientific training to give you practical tools to work with and after more than four decades of exploring our world I am prepared to guide you through this labyrinth more effectively to your goals.